{"id":15461,"date":"2017-10-27T16:17:40","date_gmt":"2017-10-27T21:17:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bostonsurvivalguide.net\/wordpress\/?p=15461"},"modified":"2017-11-12T17:49:44","modified_gmt":"2017-11-12T22:49:44","slug":"a-conversation-with-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bostonsurvivalguide.net\/wordpress\/2017\/10\/a-conversation-with-myself\/","title":{"rendered":"A Conversation with Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"A\u201cAre you awake?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cUhhhhh\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGet up! You have a lot to do! In every second you let slip by, you could be having an inspirational thought that could be developed into a breathtaking essay, or maybe even a novel!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI seriously doubt that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you so negative all the time? And why are you so tired?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThose are two separate questions. And I haven\u2019t even done my yoga or had my tart cherry juice and my tea yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, what are you waiting for? Get up!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cShut up and leave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the problem <\/em>today?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI had those dreams again, about driving my car down a deserted highway and not knowing how to get home \u2013 hell, not even knowing where \u201chome\u201d was<\/em>. And then that other one, about searching for something to eat, and everything is horrible fast food.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe last time, you were in a restaurant and everyone at your table got up and left you there eating.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThat wasn\u2019t a dream. That actually happened. I\u2019m a slow eater. I always have dreams about being lost. Lately, I\u2019ve also been dreaming about having some kind of procedure done on me. I have thoughts in my dreams that aren\u2019t mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you\u2019re being abducted by aliens. I still don\u2019t understand why you\u2019re so depressed and miserable. You have a lot to be thankful for.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you think I know that?? Thinking that makes me feel even worse!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a pathetic basket case.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI know that also. But sometimes I don\u2019t understand how so many people can go along and be so absorbed and perfectly content in their own lives, and not be disturbed by all the violence, pain, misery and suffering in this world. How do they do that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have to focus on the positives in life and on those people who are doing good deeds and helping others.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that sounds marvelously New Agey. Hang on, let me grab my Tarot cards and my affirmations. Oh damn, I spilled water on them and they got wet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re so cynical.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cHow can you not be? Nothing really changes. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, mankind continues to shit on the planet that we depend on for our survival, corporation executives are greedy, politicians are self-serving and college students design artistic signs and protest. Nothing ever comes of it. Well, I suppose more people are protesting now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA lot more people are protesting. People are slowly waking up.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps. I\u2019m just so damned frustrated, and I feel like I\u2019m doing nothing to contribute to anything that\u2019s useful.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you sure as hell aren\u2019t by lying in bed and bickering with <\/em>me.\u201d \u00c2\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, you\u2019re right there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, tell me what\u2019s really bothering you and let\u2019s get this done and over with so you can seize the day. Or at least, get your butt out of bed.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you really want to know? Fine. Can I tell you my worries and anxieties without you turning all judgmental and self-righteous on me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. Go ahead.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI feel burdened with many things in my life \u2013 not progressing in my writing, not having the time to read and do my yoga and meditation as much as I should be, problems with finances despite working all the time, deeply rooted family issues, my own stupid stress-enhanced health problems, the need to be alone for what I want to accomplish and yet gnawing loneliness, always feeling anxious and on edge. Sometimes I feel as old as Methuselah, and as knowledgeable as a baby. And then I feel guilty for feeling bad, because I\u2019m so incredibly fortunate, compared to many, many others. And this, of course, makes me feel worse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSounds like first-world problems.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThere you go again, you snarky bitch.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry. Those are real problems, to be sure, and all problems are relative, aren\u2019t they? You do sound like you have a lot going on right now, and important things you want to be doing. Maybe you should focus your efforts on what\u2019s most important to you, don\u2019t get fixated on the financial problems, and see if you can come up with some creative ideas on how to make enough money to pay the bills while still having time to do what you want to be doing. Don\u2019t take on other people\u2019s problems (at least, not until you have to). Don\u2019t compare yourself to other people and don\u2019t worry about this vague notion of \u201cbeing happy.\u201d Choose to chase after your life\u2019s purpose instead. Remember when you would always tell me that you felt more \u201cyourself\u201d when you were writing and you were going to make something happen? What happened to that?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI got old and tired.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHa. But all these tedious product descriptions and nutty things you do now to earn a bit of money, that\u2019s made you a better writer, hasn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I suppose it has.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, it hasn\u2019t been a waste of time.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I guess it hasn\u2019t. You\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you have a pile of literary journals to read, and a few essays you can submit.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve been through some challenging times this year. You dealt with it and here you still are.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cTrue dat.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou should give yourself more credit. You truly care about other people, which is why you\u2019re deeply upset with all the killing, all the wars, all the innocent children caught up in adults\u2019 stupid, dangerous games, all the inequality.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you should write more about that. Be angry. Be yourself. But don\u2019t despair.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, you\u2019re right. OK, I\u2019m getting up now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood. Finally!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cOw, my neck hurts. As usual.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGo do some yoga. That usually helps, right?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, it does.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, and happy birthday.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cHeh. Thanks.\u201d<\/p>\nshare this: \"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"tumblr\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cAre you awake?\u201d \u201cUhhhhh\u201d \u201cGet up! You have a lot to do! In every second you let slip by, you could be having an inspirational thought that could be developed into a breathtaking essay, or maybe even a novel!\u201d \u201cI seriously doubt that.\u201d \u201cWhy are you so negative all the time? And why are you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[437],"tags":[],"table_tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nA Conversation with Myself - musings from boston<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.bostonsurvivalguide.net\/wordpress\/2017\/10\/a-conversation-with-myself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Conversation with Myself - musings from boston\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cAre you awake?\u201d \u201cUhhhhh\u201d \u201cGet up! You have a lot to do! 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